


Groomsman wHAT?

by kelarthemage



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Gen, but rereading it made me laugh, so i'm republishing it here, this is from my old af fanfiction account
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-25
Updated: 2011-07-25
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:49:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelarthemage/pseuds/kelarthemage
Summary: Thayet and Jon are planning their wedding, and Alanna's just come to the conclusion she's doomed. She'll get her revenge with his kids though.  (Old story ported over from my FF account).





	Groomsman wHAT?

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally published on my fanfiction account in 2011, and I'm uploading it to AO3 in frickin 2018, bc when I happened to go through it recently...well, I rediscovered it and I still find it hilarious.
> 
> my original notes from ff
> 
> "This is a product of road trips. I just started thinking about weddings, and what Shinko and Roald's would be like...and suddenly I wondered what Jon and Thayet's was like. And bam! Story idea... It sounds like something he would do.
> 
> I don't own any of the characters, because I'm simply not awesome enough to be Tamora Pierce, kay."

Discussing plans for the royal wedding was hardly on Alanna's list of favorite things to do, but George was in it, so she was kind of dragged into it. She certainly had garnered some interesting blackmail from it, such as the day when Thayet was so sleep-deprived and stressed that she fell asleep during dinner and landed her face in the (thankfully) cold soup, or the evening following that, when Buri made one of her usual cracks about how the two ought to act like normal people and elope, and Thayet flung a pitcher at her head and flopped onto her bed sobbing. Not all the blackmail was on the soon-to-be-queen, though. She'd discovered that Jon had an eye for color that most ladies would covet to the extreme. She'd known he was good at matching things and all before, but when she heard him critiquing some flower arrangement, she had to go hide in an empty horse stall till she was finished howling.

But when it involved being stuck with all the currently decided members of the wedding party in a room trying to make sense of everything and Jon had a carefully innocent look on his face as he contemplated who his best man ought to be...well, let's just say Alanna really wanted to be anywhere else. As they listened to Thayet and Eleni discussing how she wanted the dress to look, Jon was surveying the room.

"You know, I'm still trying to decide who my fourth groomsman ought to be," he said.

"Thayet, don't you still need two bridesmaids?" Alanna asked, hoping to divert the conversation away from that. Just because Jon had blindsided her with being Champion didn't mean she was oblivious...and that innocent face was not fooling her.

"I actually asked Cythera and Rispah to fill those two just the other night. They'd be here right now, but they had other things they had to do today," Thayet said, and shrugged.

"Thank Mithros," mumbled Buri.

"Oh. That ought to work well." One opportunity lost... "Jon, you could ask Coram to be your fourth groomsman," she said. "Or Myles."

"Myles would say he is much too old to be involved in all this 'frippery', and Coram, I'm sure, would rather be watching Rispah than having to pay attention to the ceremony."

He was looking far too amused for her liking. This was Not Good. It was far too much like that stupid conference where she'd gotten pushed into being Champion. "What about Duke Gareth?" she asked, floundering for ideas.

"He's still having trouble walking," Jon pointed out.

Irrationally, she hoped Thayet would be the most emotional pregnant woman ever and would beat that smug look off Jon's face. She tried to come up with other people to be Jon's fourth groomsman - and best man - and failed.

"No other suggestions?" he asked. "It's settled then."

"What?" she asked, flinching slightly. She could see it coming now.

"You can be my groomsman," he said, finally smirking.

She was too busy being irritated to notice the grins everyone else was trading. "But I'm a girl," she pointed out.

"Woman, actually," George pointed out.

"Same thing," she grumbled.

"Didn't stop you from being a knight," Jon smirked. She'd have to forget that she wasn't twelve anymore and just sneak something incredibly slimy into his bed. Somehow. What could be slimy enough?

"But-" She scrambled for something else. "I'll be dancing with Buri."

"You've danced with ladies taller than you before," he said, still smirking. "I seem to remember many dances that you were dragged out for by Delia of Eldorne."

"She was just doing that to irritate me! I never asked any of them! And you made me dance with her so it wasn't my fault anyhow!"

Thayet, unnoticed by the redheaded knight, stuffed her sleeve into her mouth, shaking silently.

"Your only objection is that Buri is taller than you?"

"No- I- Yes but- Jon!"

"Well, do you have anything else?" he demanded, coolly reasonable.

She was going to teach his first child how to change colors magically and turn him or her loose on all of Jonathan's clothes. Clothes... "Yes!" she snapped, crossing her arms. "What am I supposed to wear?"

Raoul gave in to it, and howled with laughter, along with Gary, George chuckled, and Jon snorted. "There's something I never thought to hear you say," he said.

"Just like I never expected to hear how much you know about flower arrangements," she retorted, her ears turning red.

"Maybe if you'd paid attention in ettiquette," he started, and then stopped. "Mithros no, I did not pay that much attention to him!"

Raoul, who had just stopped laughing and taken a drink of some water, choked, and sprayed water on Jon, who looked surprised. Gary was too busy crying from laughter to be any help, so George was left to pound Raoul's back.

"I hope not," she muttered.

"You can wear something like what you wore to your re-introduction to court," Eleni suggested.

Alanna glared at George's mother, and looked at George, who was grinning.

"I hate all of you," she said. "If I must..."

"You must," Jon said, grinning broadly.

"Fine," she sighed. How did this keep happening? First Champion, now groomsman. What could be next? ...Godsmother, she supposed. Not that that was one she would actually fight getting. It wouldn't be too bad, really. "Just don't make me say anything. Especially not anything containing the phrase 'awesome artefact'." A thought occurred to her, and she grinned. "Unless it's to make something awkward."

"What are you-" And then Jon got it and flushed, and Raoul spit out half of his drink again, laughing.


End file.
